New Moon EPOV In The Dark
by LahTiDah
Summary: Starting just before Rosalie's call, Volterra and more! It is parallel to New Moon,in EPOV. SM's writing is much better, but I needed to see what was happening to Edward! warning: HOT OFF THE PRESS.... This is for all we TWILIGHT FANS! PLEASE REVIEW! :
1. IN THE DARK Chapter 1

New Moon EPOV What will Edward do? He is alone after trying to track Victoria …. Rosalie's call and more… I tried to play off of what SM had written, I started wanting to end before the call, but Edward kept me writing, but I didn't want to veer from SM's story either, this is for all you Twilight fans! Like me J Please read, and review, this is the first I have ever shared my writing so if you think I should stop, please let me know! But please be nice 

**In the Dark**

In my dark that wasn't dark enough, I knew I deserved far worse than this darkness; my world, a world without music, without light.

Making the promise to Bella that she could live her life as though we….as though I, had never existed, was a promise that was broken as soon as I had made it.

Though I knew I could never deserve such a soft, and warm, and beautiful Bella.

I was the very reason for the word monster. More so now…..after having had Bella in my life, how many promises had I broken? How many more would I continue to break? COULD I break the one that counts the most? I already knew the answer to this, the real question… WOULD I break it?

I rocked myself with the agony of her absence, here in this dark and humid attic where I hid myself from the world beyond and thought, as I did so, if I really would break my promise….. but I already knew I would.

I didn't know when though.

I would run back to her right this moment if I did not question myself in yet another part of my mind.

I knew I was no good for my sweet Bella; but also, the stronger, burning sadness was the thought that perhaps she had moved on, would I keep existing if that were true?

I would beg through endless, countless burning nights of changing if it meant she would take me back. Though, my Bella deserved so much, so much more than me; and I have now proven that I am NOT ONLY that unworthy and deplorable creature she first met, that craved her blood excruciatingly so, but I am also a hurtful and lying beast!

So selfish I am, to want her, I cannot or should not entertain the thoughts of flitting to her side and to bask in her warmth....no....not EVER again.

The agony of letting those hopeful thoughts go though was so much worse, twisting my very core in a way I didn't know God or even the Devil himself could fathom.

My days went by in this way. Or maybe it had only been hours; Perhaps weeks or maybe months? Time without Bella meant nothing to me now. Every moment felt like and unending moment of eternity for me.

Somewhere, my mind acknowledged the changing of dark to light through the shingles and beams of the roof. Sometimes a glint of rosy pink or orange before the darkness seeped back again. This cycle of days was apparent in some way to me, but I did not follow it. I thought it could be decades passing from beneath my eyelids, hiding me from this cycle and the surrounding world.

My eyes closed again instinctively, needing to see my Bella's face behind my lids,

I could remember her warm and feathery touches, caressing my face here. Gazing at me like I was a great prize, and she was the lucky prize-holder, so absurd! My hands reach for her, but her expression starts to twist in my memory, first confusion, and then understanding quickly flashing to resolve, and lastly, vast hurt resulting in a nothingness so deep in her chocolate eyes. My image of my Bella closes her pale lavender lids as my hands form iron manacles around her wrists pinning her arms gently to her sides….my last touch,….reaching my lips to her forehead and forcing a crushing "Goodbye" to my love. "WAIT!" my image croaks…….UGH! NO MORE! PLEASE! I beg myself to just STOP!

Vaguely aware in another corner of my mind that my body is heaving forward on my knees, heaving nothing but air from the pits of my stomach for the thousandth time; Claws, raking up and through my body, trying to heave the agony from my core. My body hitches in a now familiar way, trying to cry once again as I fall backward and press my knees to my chest and mouth to keep from screaming. Raking my fingernails over the crown of my head, shaking, raking, rocking....trying to rid the image from my mind frantically.

My last image of my love, my Bella, which will always haunt my every thought.

I need her, my Bella, to sew up what is left of me. She is my thread and needle.

I will go back to her. I need to go back to her.

A distant corner of my mind acknowledges the mice that scurry around through the cracks in the rotting wood in the attic here, and also that through this fact of how little a danger I must present in my current state.

NO! My conscience side smote me, this is so WRONG! So very wrong!

I need my Bella to be happy, and with this realization I know that I cannot run back to her. I need HER to be happy more than myself. I deserve this…..

But I could go to her, JUST to check on her.

I could do that, couldn't I? Keep my distance. "Yes" I told myself, "if she is alive and well, yes, I could do this."

Brushing aside, trying to ignore the gut-wrenching feeling of the thought of someone else being the reason for her happiness, I hoped vainly that she has perhaps found a solitary happiness….. KNOWING that someday Bella WOULD be happy again; without my dangers haunting her life now. Except that Victoria is still out there somewhere.

Yes, I could handle checking on my Bella's well-being. Until Victoria was found and rid of, it is my duty to check on Bella. I would not think right now of how I would have to leave again….NO! No, no I would not think of that just now. I know I should, but I will deal with that when the time comes for me to. It is my pain after all, I know I deserve nothing less, but I needed to know Bella is well.

If she is indeed alone, which a part of me realizes is not only unlikely, but also not what I want for her. If she is though, she would still need someone to periodically make sure she is in no immediate danger anyway, right?

Bella should not be left unprotected and alone, even her father, Chief Swan, can not protect Bella from some things. Victoria, after all, was still out there.

My pathetic attempt at tracking had done no good at all.

Bella needed protection from the world, from Victoria, from me.....but I will not impose my life on her though, however, Bella needed someone to protect her. At the very least, to know she was safe.

Yes.

This decision awakened something in me with a jolt. Almost as if.....déjà vu.....I didn't have time to ascertain what it was or the consequences of this decision.

Just as soon as it was made I found my feet hitting the ground beneath me outside a tattered and depressed house. The air here felt heavy with humidity. Rotten smells invaded my senses as I flew through the neighborhoods in shadow.

I threw myself against the weight of the world as I ran for GIG airport. I would see my Bella soon. She would not see me, but I would be able to see her, bask in her light that radiates from her being from my shadows.

Within minutes I reached the glass sliding doors to the airport, impatiently waiting for them to open just enough for me to glide through them quickly. As I slowed myself to an excruciating human pace I reached the counter where a dark young woman in a navy uniform blazer and slacks clicked slowly on the keys of her computer.

As she looked up I noticed that her name 'Tiana' was written in black lettering on her gold nametag.

The woman Tiana looked at me with startled surprise.

_Oh my lord! I wonder if I should ask him if he is ok, he doesn't look like he is…..maybe I should call Barry up here to see if he could help him. No, Barry wouldn't care to help anyone but himself._ With this thought her eyebrows creased slightly under the tension.

Brushing aside the fact that I must look and smell to some degree as horrible as I feel; especially in these clothes that I have been wearing ever since setting foot on the continent; I addressed the kind woman,

"Hello Miss, I need a direct flight to Seattle Washington immediately" I said, trying to convey the importance of my need.

_Could he even afford a flight? He doesn't look like he could afford a soda….ah well, he asked about a flight, directly….."_I am sorry sir, there are no direct flights to Sea-Tac airport"

I all but got on my knees to beg, "Tiana, it is of the utmost importance that I be in Washington immediately, please, is there a route that is light on time?"

Tiana clicked her keyboard quickly and after a moment of searching her screen she touched it lightly, pointing, as if I could see as well, with her right index finger. _Oh! heres one! _"I see here we have a couple of available seats on our 12pm flight from GIG to Sea-Tac, the flight duration is 16 hours and 25 minutes with only one layover of 1 hour and 47 minutes at ATL airport." she said as she finally looked up at me hopefully.

_I hope he will say ok to this one, it is the best I can do for him. I wish I could do more. I wonder if he can afford this? Does he want to know how much this will cost….lets see…..flight…..tax…._

"That would be wonderful, thank you Tiana" I stated pulling from my back pocket of my dirty jeans necessary documentation and credit card and handing them to the small dark woman.

She took them with a bit of unease; "Sir, the flight is $1736.00 with $30.10 in taxes and fees so it will be a total of $1766.10" she looked at me skeptically as she fingered my credit card nervously.

I tried to force a small smile to my lips and nodded conveying that this was ok, giving her the 'go-ahead'.

_Ohhh, I sure hope this works…..lets see, name….birth date…..destination…"_Would you like a window seat sir?"

"Yes, thank you, that would be fine" I replied a bit sharper than I intended; I was growing quite impatient with this waiting and accidentally taking it out on this kind woman.

She finished quickly and handed my boarding pass to me along with my documentation and credit card.

I made my way through the thin crowd to the line of other passengers awaiting their turn to be let through to the international flights.

As I took my shoes off and placed them in a gray plastic bin I looked at the clock overhead the metal detectors, 5:37am it read…..I sighed impatiently to myself. How could this span of time seem so long to an immortal?

As I neared my gate I fingered my boarding pass, impatience and nervousness leaking through my finger tips. Was I REALLY doing this? I thought butterflies should probably be flitting from my stomach and through my mouth I was so entirely wound with so many different and conflicting emotions. I reached the counter and checked in with an abnormally cheerful man.

I noticed a single row of seats facing the counter beside the door that would lead to my plane. I turned and took a seat in shadow next to the trash bin, close to the side that bucked up against a short half-corner of a wall and leaned my head back to wait.

Anticipation and nerves built in the pit of my stomach again.

'My Bella', the thought of her pulled upwards now on a corner of my mouth; I sat here, imagining what she will look like when I see her again. I let myself run wild with my fantasy, reaching out to her and taking her in my arms.

Ah! To only feel her in my embrace but one more time.

Knowing this was an impossibility, yet I could not help but let myself dream, it felt so healing.

For a long moment I let myself drown in this dream, enveloping each and every one of my senses…

The feel of her warmth emanating from her, the feel of her hair on my lips, her skin, to gaze into the depths of her chocolate brown eyes, her taste on my lips and even her smell as that fire would claw up and down my throat, the flames licking up to my teeth, acknowledging her life and well-being. So excruciating, and yet so lovely and perfect.

I sat and let my daydream continue as I waited. How her warm fingers would lightly touch my cheeks and lips, wrapping her arms around me. As my heart would always hold her to me I pictured her holding me close, as if to never let go of me too.

This daydream, this pretending, it didn't seem to hurt so much right now. It was as if she knew everything was going to be ok now.

That by some strange twist, even though she would not see me, for I knew she would not, our worlds though would shift in a way....a sad peace or calm?

So strange, and what an odd feeling to have.

An obvious false sense that must be coming from the fact-how good it felt to know that this was indeed a fact! - that I would see her so soon.

I will be hearing her heartbeat, and hoping for once, for a cloudless and blue day. For that warmth of the sun to blanket her as her presence will me.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, sighing, being torn from my daydream, I reached into my pocket and glanced at the screen. Rosalie….I truly did not want to be bothered right now, and also fearing a depression that would come with talking to anyone in my family, but especially Rosalie; I shoved the phone back into the depths of my pocket.

I felt the vibrations halt and then pick up again. Rosalie could be quite persistent when she wanted something; but what could Rosalie want from me? She was possibly the one member of my family that was almost jubilant with the situation and my absence.

Perhaps Alice was using her phone? I was sure Alice must have seen the future fluctuate again and then settle in as my decision had been made.

Such an annoying little pixie my sister was…. loveable and caring, yes, but annoying sometimes all the same.

No, there was no need to talk to anyone just now; I was only going to Forks just to check on my Bella anyway.

There would be no sweet reunion. This reminder settled in, and as it did my legs involuntarily came up to meet my chest as I sat quietly in my chair. WHAT AM I DOING?!?! 'Just checking on her' I told myself. No matter how much this would hurt me, Bella NEEDED to be checked on. Especially now that Victoria was still roaming free.

The vibrations stopped again, and picked up yet a third time. I pinched the bridge of my nose, as if doing so would cease the relentless calls. 'STOP CALLING ME!!!' I wanted to scream, 'I just want to be left alone.'

I knew my sisters well enough though to know that no matter which one it was calling me, they would not relent until I conceded.

Grudgingly I reached back into my pocket to retrieve my phone once again. Already knowing it was either Rosalie or Alice (hopefully Alice); I did not pause to look at the ID. I flipped it open and barked "WHAT do you NEED!" a little louder than I intended.

Rosalie's voice answered in a sharp tone "Well don't I feel special, Lord Edward has graced us with answering his phone" she mocked.

I flipped the phone closed again before she could utter another syllable, annoyed that Rosalie would bother me and in such a manner!

I sat there feigning awareness, but moreover consumed with annoyance now, as my phone would halt its vibrations only to resume again. Minutes passed, I let my phone vibrate and run its course another 27 times before I conceded once more and dug it out of my pocket again. "What in heaven and hell do YOU NEED ROSE?" I did NOT want to talk to my sister, but if I HAD to answer to get her to stop calling I guess I could settle for yelling.

"I just thought you'd like to know that everything will be ok now, you can come home, it would make Esme so happy, everyone will be here waiting for you," her words were rushed with excitement and nervousness

"Esme and Carlisle should be home soon from hunting, I don't know how long Alice will take in Forks, but it shouldn't be too long"

I cut her off abruptly, "WHAT? ALICE? WHAT!"

"Alice went to Forks to help Charlie" she hesitated as if she had said too much.

I couldn't speak, I was so wrought with fury. I had told Alice to STAY AWAY from Forks, from my Bella; to stop looking into her future, to leave everything behind. I had done enough damage to my Bella, and Alice's visions only caused some kind of renewed hope and depression to ensue, mingling as one within me.

I knew she had seen me going back to be with my Bella, but perhaps now she saw that the depression from having to leave her again would finally destroy me? This thought almost brought on renewed hope that I would, no matter what, not have to endure this existence much longer.

I knew Alice would try to keep me from that, and protect Esme and the rest of my family from the loss of me. It was enough that they had to endure losing Bella, but me too…. I was already gone, but my absence kept my family from knowing how far; But Rosalie was not telling me everything it seemed …..Charlie, why would Alice be helping Charlie with something?

If Alice was there to take my place as Bella's protector, to go and only check on Bella for me, then contact would not be necessary, I would rip her apart, calf from knees, knees from thighs, wrists from elbows from shoulders…..if my inhuman body could turn shades under fury I was sure I would be a deep shade of purple!

"Rose…" I demanded for her to continue quietly through gritted teeth as I seethed.

"Well, ok, I know Alice said we were not to say anything, but I am sure you'd find out anyhow," her voice picking up a slight mocking edge before continuing, "and the sooner you know the quicker you can get over this and be home with us"…I waited.

"A couple of days ago Alice got a vision, she truly wasn't trying Edward," Rosalie started, trying to protect Alice I could tell.

She needed protection from me at this point. In another corner of my mind I was running through different avenues of attack, and how best to get around Jasper. He would certainly ascertain how livid and consumed with fury I am and try to protect Alice…from me.

"I'm so sorry Edward really, but it will be ok! You'll see…." She pleaded.

I waited.

I waited some more, "What will be ok Rose?" was she really apologizing so fervently for Alice's sake?

"….she's dead Edward." Rose said in a subdued tone, as if I should know who she was talking about. She paused for a long moment.

A simple statement. The words all seemed to make sense, on their own, but not together, and not put into context with our conversation. I shook my head, trying to rid it of the only possible truth behind her statement.

"I'm sorry, but I think you do have a right to know. Bella jumped. She jumped off of a cliff face into the ocean and…..Alice would have helped, gone sooner, but it was already too late. And you know how much Alice has always loved Charlie too…."

Rosalie stopped abruptly, it was then that I realized that she hadn't stopped but that I'd shut the off.

I sat, frozen, for an unending moment.

This could not be! My Bella! Beautiful and sweet, forgiving Bella! My head screamed silently or aloud I was unaware, at the same time my body felt it was being torn everywhere at once.

Rosalie had to be lying. There was something else happening here. Maybe she…..but no.

Nothing made sense, this had to be some kind of sick joke on Rosalie's part? Maybe Alice had seen me go back to Forks, and since I was already on my way she thought she'd have her fun with it?

I opened my phone and slowly dialed the one number I promised I would never call again…..


	2. UNSEEING

**If it was her, I would hang up. If it was Charlie, I would get the information I needed through subterfuge. I'd prove Rosalie's sick little joke wrong.**

"**Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful.**

**I didn't pause to think about the implications of that.**

"**This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"**

"**He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it. The words were almost a snarl, but that didn't matter.**

"**Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.**

**There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.**

"**He's at the funeral." the boy finally answered.**

**I shut the phone.**

**UNSEEING**

My hand slid to the rim of the trash can next to my seat, gripping for some sort of support. Afraid of the reality that still seemed too impossible, it was more of a nightmare.

I felt my phone slide from my quivering fingertips and heard it clunk in the bottom of the trash can.

I looked unknowingly down at my body, wondering how I could still be in one piece. Maybe in hell I would still look the same as I remembered I did when I was on earth?

I couldn't remember how I died though. And the last place I remember was this seat in the airport…

Perhaps on earth when I went back to Bella to check on her…perhaps I did something there? Could it be true that leaving her again truly ended my miserable existence? That hell would not allow me my last glorious memory of seeing my Bella once more?

The man at the counter no longer looked cheerfully at me, eyeing me skeptically now he asked "Sir, can I get you something?"

'YOU can never get me what I want' I thought loathingly. Realizing that this may not be hell, just my own personal hell I stood up and strode away from the gate unaware of where my body was taking me.

As I turned the last corner by the bathrooms before heading down the hall that would lead back towards the sliding doors I heard my familiar ring tone coming from my cell phone that I had abandoned in the trash bin. My mind could see the man at the counter saunter over and dig in the trash looking for the source, thinking to himself that he should retrieve it and run after me.

This thought had my feet picking up my pace a bit, not so much that it would alarm the humans around me, but enough so he could not catch up to me.

There was nothing for me now. No want or need to be anywhere. The agony I have felt since I left my beautiful Bella…..

AGH! NO! I wanted to rip myself from my gut to my limbs. This was so clearly my fault.

She had promised! I could see it in her eyes when I left….a void, I was so afraid that she might try to hurt herself in some way, but I never would have thought it to be this extreme…. AND SHE PROMISED!

She was human, humans forget in time. I should have known, as I always have, my Bella never acts the way other humans do.

My head swam, eyes seeing nothing, I was nothing anymore, my angel has left this world to go to heaven.

A gray before my eyes tells me that my eyes must be open. Muffled sounds emanating from around me, but my mind, which has retreated so far into some dark unreachable corner, can't make out anything clearly anymore.

A pressure on my shoulder startled me and I jumped and twirled quickly away to be somewhere else. Looking back I saw a startled older woman frozen in shock, disbelief, standing next to a hole in a wall.

I quickly ascertained that the hole was the shape of my hand; the gray must have been the industrial carpet now beneath my feet. I must have been using the wall for support? It didn't matter.

Neither did the fact that this woman may know something was very wrong with me, in more ways than just in my head. The Volturi would care though. Our one law in my mythical world….to never reveal our existence to the human race….

Bella came rushing back into the forefront of my mind, yelling at me, "You must NEVER, NEVER, NEVER think of anything like that again!"

She promised….but I never did.

I could only hope, even if only in vain that hell would be better than here… in a world without Bella. It is a world that should cease to exist.

This train of thought guided my feet and brought me back to the small dark woman 'Tiana' at the front counter.

"I'm sorry Tiana, I need to reroute my flight to Rome please." The words slid from my lips, unaware that they were actually moving at all.


	3. UNSEEING continued

**UNSEEING : continued….**

I numbly nodded in agreement…to what exactly I'm not sure.

Vaguely aware, I handed Tiana my documents and credit card once again and within minutes she handed me a new boarding pass. I was on my way to Rome.

Rome would just be a quick place to stop, a place to land……before my true destination.

Volterra.

I wasn't sure how, but I needed death to take me away…..or in my case I just needed to cease to exist.

I glanced at my boarding pass as I placed my shoes once again in the gray bin; my flight was to depart at 9am. One stop, a short layover in Paris at CDG airport…..I would be in Rome in just over 13 hours.

Volterra in less than 14.

9am….I glanced again at the same clock as before, just overhead of the metal detectors as I passed through…..only 12 minutes away.

I slipped back into my shoes and made my way through the growing crowd of humans with ease and made it quickly to my gate. I checked in, vaguely aware of my surroundings. I could hear the wind blowing through the tunnel as I passed through the small door and onto the plane.

I was one of the first to be seated, a first class ticket……fitting I thought to myself wryly; A first class, one-way ticket to hell.

I leaned back into my seat after buckling in, as if I needed to, and waited silently for the plane to finish making its last turn on the tarmac before gradually increasing speed, readying itself to take flight.

As the plane started to lift into the air I was running millions of scenarios behind my eyelids. How to do this……

I knew, from Carlisle, that all I would need to do was to touch Aro, his 'gift' would allow him to see every decision, every thought, every action ever made through that one touch. He would see what I have done, to my Bella….

Aro would not care whether she was……….UGH! I shook my head violently. This thought had my body convulsing in new and violently strange ways…..but the truth refused to be denied…….no…..she was not.........with us…..on earth, anymore…..but he WOULD care that I revealed our world to a human. Would it matter that she couldn't reveal it to anyone else anymore? Would he still grant me the favor I wish, for breaking the law in the first place?

If Aro has ANY sort of compassion in his monstrous existence….surely he would not condemn me to suffer any longer….

My eyes must have opened again because a human face slowly became focused in my view…..

She was saying something…….?

I tried to listen harder but the words were not really there, or maybe they were just muffled, either way I couldn't make them out. I think she must be a flight attendant, I just shook my head. No matter what she was saying, or maybe she was trying to ask me something…..I didn't have want for anything anymore. At least….nothing that existed in this world.

As the plane flew high above the clouds, cutting through the air, I thought of different ways to make Aro grant my plea because my Bella…..my Bella…….

HOW COULD SHE!

Rosalie had said what…..jumped from a cliff.

I drove my Bella from safety, from happiness, from everything she knew and loved……because of ME!

I was sure hell could be no worse than this! The angel had I once pictured fashioning Bella into the woman I love and throwing her into my path never existed……just some vicious harpy……

A consequence of the loathsome creature I am?…..this harpy….made Bella, my sweet Bella, fashioned her just for me, but perhaps was no more than a pawn in an evil plan to destroy me. Why? ….HOW! ……fragile, beautiful Bella…..!

HOW could Bella do this!

If I had remained….stayed in this world for so long, feeling the agony of what would have been a temporary separation…..Alice had been right!….a deeply smothered and buried part of me I think always knew I was lying to myself though…..UGH! How stupid and unforgivable I was! How could I have done this!

Surely though, my Bella's feelings could never possess………no….and I am nothing more than a monster……it's just not possible.

I've seen it a thousand times. My Bella wouldn't be who she was though if she had been like any other human… is it possible?

How could I have done this to HER! My fault!

Realizing I was gasping for unnecessary air I gripped an arm around me to hold myself together. This world….. I am the worst…… I DID THIS!

If Aro would not grant me my demand I would give him other reasons…… surely there would be some loathsome humans roaming the streets…. Yes! I would prove what a horrible beast I truly am!

I could throw a car at their building from the main square and expose them! Let them shine in the sunlight for all to see through that hole! If they are beastly enough to deny ME! I could show the world the beasts that walk among them!

Or perhaps the Volturi need to be thinned a bit…. They are quite numerous these days. Humans really shouldn't have to endure their monstrous ways. This would also consequently put me directly in their reach to exterminate me immediately!

I could hear sounds, muffled voices, coming from a speaker nearby now and as I felt no intense rocking or shaking vibrating throughout the plane's structure this must mean we are in fact landing and not crashing…….ah! If only a plane crash could do it for me…..

I rose from my seat and made my way into the CDG airport. We were finally in Paris. One more stop.

My flight had been right on time; it was now very late, almost midnight. My connecting flight was leaving in 45minutes. I paced as slowly as I could manage through the long, brightly lit corridors. Finally a woman emerged, opening the gate's counter for passengers to check in.

I handed her my boarding pass, she grimaced at me as she unfolded it and tried to smooth it out, attempting, I'm sure, to convey that she had been displeased to see that I had it shoved in my back pocket in what must have been to her a disrespect. Any other day I may have even laughed, or had at least some sort of emotion towards her, or anyone, someone, or something……but I just couldn't muster anything to the surface anymore.

I took my seat and slid the little shade shut again, not to protect from any sunshine or it's effects as it was already quite dark outside, but more as if to hide. I only had a 2 hour flight to go, it would all be ok again soon. Perhaps this was overstating things, but as it couldn't be any worse than it was currently even hell might seem like a tropical vacation in comparison to this world.

I was sure that Aro would see my recent thoughts and decisions and realize how impossible it would be to say no to me. He would see the destruction my decisions would bring to the Volturi's little world if he tried….and the importance of my demand. I was sure of this!

A feeling of release came with this conviction. To end my existence, to give me some type of death.

Carlisle believed vehemently in his conviction that God, heaven and hell, all do in fact exist and that our afterlife would be intertwined with them. He believed in the possibility of heaven for creatures such as my family and I.

I knew that God and everything else were truly life, and death, and everything in between; but we are soulless monsters, condemned only to hell.

I wondered if Bella would be in my hell? Surely my shining Bella is in heaven, but the illusion of her forever reminding me of my mistakes would be a hell for me. At the same time however, I welcomed this hell, it would be the only way to ever see my Bella again…..

The voice in the speakers sounded once more, I knew my short flight from CDG to FCO in Rome was coming to a close…..

Once in the terminal I all but sprinted towards the exit. I could not alert or frighten any humans here, but this human pace had never been more excruciating!

I passed through the glass sliding doors and sucked in an unnecessary breath, I was finally in Italy….

It was still very dark here so I glided along the edge of the building and into shadow, away from all human eyes…….

With all that I had……I ran. I ran towards Volterra, towards hell.

I ran for my Bella…..


	4. LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNELNewUpdate

**LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL **

Through the brush and bracken and over the rolling terrain of Italy I ran at full tilt. I stuck to the darkest shadows of the night, to ensure I would go by unnoticed.

A short while later I was able to smell the stench of the city of Volterra. A smell that I knew would go unnoticed by any human, even when in the heart of the city. A stench I knew all too well. The Volturi were very proficient when it came to their diet of human blood. Their proficiency also leaked into their concealment of this fact. I could smell the excess of blood that had once flowed and then had been washed away, perhaps through the sewers here.

I made my way through the cobbled lanes that lay just beyond an enormous ancient portcullis. The narrowness of the lanes echoed softly as I slowed my pace just in case of a passing human.

Knowing I only had a brief while left, I let my mind wander to my beloved Bella. Disgusting myself with the hope that perhaps her illusion would be there, in hell with me.

That's when I noticed it, a large medieval castle with its many turrets, and the obvious source of that stench. I let my nose guide my feet as I quickened my pace.

Once inside, the castle seemed to transform into a modern business, I was now inside what seemed to be a very posh lobby, decorated with many Italian designer pieces of furniture here and there, along with the many modern paintings decorating the walls.

I heard the two vampires before I smelled them, but they seemed to take no notice of me as they entered the lobby and passed me by. Both were clothed in dark wool cloaks, I could not see their faces or skin, but their smell assured me of their species.

_I sure am glad Heidi will be back tomorrow. I don't think I could take all those tourists without some sustenance…why can't we have just a few? They are only tourists after all…._"Hey, Demitri, when do you suppose Heidi will be back tomorrow?" the tall burly vampire asked, his impatience evident.

"Hopefully before lunch time?" the one called Demitri chuckled before continuing. _Poor Felix, he's always so antsy around the holidays. _"I know she's trying to make it a good haul this time, celebrations you know, I wonder if Marcus will be excited! HA!" he snorted and shook his head amused. _Marcus…….he's always so bland, I wonder if he's ever gotten excited over something?_

Apparently these two would be the ones to lead me to where I needed to be. I remember Marcus as being one of the three brothers in Carlisle's stories.

I followed the two vampires, only a few paces behind. They stopped at a set of elevators. Not wanting to be noticed, but unaware of what else to do, I stepped quietly into the elevator with them. Both looked at each other, and then at me suspiciously.

'_Smells vampire to me…..wonder what he's up to….looks kinda sick…. like he hasn't eaten in a while or something poor kid. I'M NOT SHARING!!! '_The big burly one, Felix, thought; smashing his eyebrows together in the middle.

Almost simultaneously the one called Demitri thought _'Never seen this one before, has he been following us? I thought I picked up on him in the lobby, wonder what he is doing here…..'_

We stepped out of the elevators then, two floors up. The two vampires were silent now, not knowing I could hear them anyway. Cautiously, they made to stay behind me, as they were now both aware and suspicious of my presence.

I cocked my body in a half-turn to address them, knowing somehow, that they would know who I was referring to without explanation, "Could you please direct me to Aro?" I almost half sneered, half growled. I was surprised actually that I could speak at all I was still so consumed with a mixture of guilt, devastation, and fury; each trying to dominate the other.

"Follow us" Demitri replied coolie while still eyeing me suspiciously.

They strode quickly and quietly in unison, around a corner and down a hallway and into another posh and almost luxuriously plush lobby.

"Hello Giana", Demitri greeted the woman behind the desk cordially, and natural all the same.

_So beautiful, I can't wait for my turn to come to be one of them, maybe Demitri…. _She smiled what I'm sure she thought was a sexy smile back, losing herself in vulgar fantasy, at the two and Felix answered her with a quick wink and a gleaming smile.

I turned to the woman thoroughly disgusted and impatient now, "Would you please tell Aro that Edward Cullen is here to speak with him." I sneered again.

Giana only nodded in acknowledgement as she pressed a button on her desk phone, "Aro, you have a visitor in the lobby, an Edward Cullen who wishes to speak with you."

The speaker replied back, a cheerful grandfatherly voice crackled through "OH!" he squealed, "Send him in immediately Giana!" You could almost hear his hands clapping together like a toddler on Christmas morning.

"Ah, come then" Demitri gestured for me to follow them. We walked swiftly through the passageways and came to a stop outside a large gilded door. Demitri lifted his fist to knock, but before he was able, the man I recognized as Aro from Carlisle's memories threw the door wide open with a look of undiluted delight plastered on his face.

"Edward!" he exclaimed as he clapped his hands together before gesturing me to come in.

I could see behind him in the room where a few more cloaked vampires stood idly, among them, two females standing close to two chairs where the ones Marcus and Caius sat. Even if I hadn't seen the trio through Carlisle's memories I would have known them immediately. They all three wore the blackest of the heavy wool cloaks, their status emminating from them.

Caius appeared unaffected , but his thoughts were almost as dark as I felt, almost. Marcus did indeed look intoxicatingly dull. Not empty or weary, just like he was extremely bored for a few thousand years and someone made a statue to monument the existence and here it remains……forever dull. At least his tedious existence would never have to endure my pain.

I realized in that moment that I was here. Truly here; to welcome my penalty.

My devastation and existence were coming to a long awaited close…..

Without moving from the doorway I held my hand out, as if a greeting were about to take place.

Aro paused, obviously startled by my gesture. _He's holding his hand for me to take? Carlisle must have told him, I wonder what he knows of us here. He looks in desperate need of…..can't quite place it….. _

He hesitated for a brief second and then reached out to take my hand, curiosity getting the better of him.

I knew the pain this would cause, but I needed to know how Aro reacted to my situation, to myself…..so I followed along, reading him, seeing what he was seeing, as he read through my mind like it was a book or a film. His composure broke only just minutely, it would have gone by unnoticed had I not been reading his mind as well, but in that brief moment he drew a small, but sharp intake of air as he ascertained that I too could read minds, and the limitations; but also the convenience of my gift and compared it to his own. He started at my beginning, the hospital, Carlisle….Rosalie and Esme; how Emmett too came to be; and Alice and Jasper joining our family; our diets and past times, and also the love and commitment that flowed through us as a family and to our way of life.

The time seemed to pass slowly as he lingered on some thoughts more than others, deciphering Alice and Jasper's talents as well. This excited him, and as much as he tried to cloak his thoughts from me I managed to see the flickers of his wishes for Alice and me to be at his side.

Suddenly Aro growled, a feral and deadly sound emanating from his curved lips, creasing his papery white skin in a sickly permanent looking way, as he half crouched still holding onto my right hand. I felt his grasp threaten to rip my hand off, he was seeing that first day in biology class in Forks.

He straightened himself as he moved on, trying desperately not to go back to that memory, the lure, what I had felt…..

His brow furrowed as he came to some of my first memories of being with Bella….. Port Angeles and the drive home….that day in the meadow, watching her sleep, kissing her lips, the electricity that had flowed between us…..every intimate touch and look, every moment…..my free hand managed to find its way to the frame of the door, trying vainly to hold myself up as he combed through my cherished memories.

I knew it had been coming, and I should have expected it, but it hit so hard, no amount of preparation would have helped in the slightest…..

Aro came to see and feel what I had finally done to my beloved and what became of her in the aftermath…..my Bella…..

Almost as if we were one, Aro's free hand grasped for the edge of the wide doorframe, for some support. At the same time my left side slid down the edge of the doorframe, my free arm winding its way around my torso, my body curling into itself; trying desperately to find some amount of composure for just a few more moments. Aro's head bowed as he remained clutching the doorframe, his body slightly hunched, our hands tightly tethered.

Finally, Aro was taking in the decisions I had made on my journey here. I felt him straightened himself at this; I could not see the look on his face, for my head was still bowed with the rest of me. I knew this was it though. No more waiting, he had seen, he now knows, he will understand…….

The images ceased, yet Aro's hand remained, locking our grasp. He gently laid his free hand on my shoulder and pulled me to my feet with his other, finally releasing me.

Too numb to feel anymore I just stood there, waiting expectantly for confirmation.

"My dear boy" he began slowly.

"Don't!" I croaked thickly, in barely more than a whisper. I didn't want his verbal sympathy! I wanted to be done!

"Edward, I see…." he trailed off briefly with a slight under-note of bitterness to his otherwise sympathetic tone, "You understand, the need to discuss this; my brothers and I."

I attempted to read his thoughts but they were well hidden. Marcus and Caius only stared at the scene. I was too confused to listen for their thoughts, I knew Aro had seen the need….my desperation. …the urgency….

I huffed and nodded letting Aro's left hand still placed on my shoulder guide me back down the hallway and into a smaller room with two high wing backed chairs and a small table with an intricately carved chess set, the only light coming from a nearby fireplace and one small lamp that rested on the table. He motioned for me to sit, as I did so, he turned and nodded to Demitri, who had apparently followed us here. He came to sit across from me in the other chair.

"I will be only a few moments my dear boy" Aro said as he strode from the room, pulling the door to a close behind him.

We sat in silence, neither moving in the slightest. I tuned out my surroundings; I could not bear to listen to Aro recount what had happened. I waited for Aro's return. I was sure he would not deny me now. I had felt his reaction through our entwined hands….. no, he would not deny me. Not only was I broken myself, but I had broken our laws……he could not deny me.

I closed my eyes, for what I knew would be the last time. To see my Bella, but just once more. The agony of what I had done mingled with the hope of seeing her image haunt me in hell. The feelings so intense I wondered how it possible that my body remained physically intact.

I was so engrossed that I almost jumped when I heard Aro's voice, I had missed his return and he was now standing in front of me just a foot away with his hands together almost as if in prayer. He looked at me with a pained expression….."Edward"

He moved to put a hand gently on my shoulder as he spoke, "We understand your situation my dear boy, but there is so much that the world could still hold for you. We welcome you to join our household. We can help you through this time with whatever you need…….but it would just be too….too…. wasteful! To end a life such as yours, if you would just see, it truly will turn out well in the end Edward." I remained frozen, in shock…..what was he saying? That I would what…..get over this! JOIN HIM AND GET OVER IT? The anger from the hurt and hate I felt boiled anew within my frozen body. "Bella would not want you to hurt yourself in any way, can't you see that Edward?"

HOW DARE HE UTTER HER NAME! I was so wrought with fury I could not form words…. I threw his hand from my shoulder and bolted for the door….

I could hear Aro quickly tell Demitri to hunt me down if that was the only option, and something else about watching me or keeping me alive if possible, but I was already moving away from their conversation so fast I didn't pause to hear anymore….

I turned the last corner, not being able to wait for the elevator I slammed through the door to take a set of stairs. Finally I blasted my way through the main lobby and back to the world beyond.

HOW COULD HE!

Fury overpowered everything; I couldn't even think in cognitive sentences anymore, my hands were balled up tightly, hanging rigidly at my sides as I strode into the main square in Volterra, the night still covering me. As if I cared. Aro thought he could stop me if he hunted me down? I'd show Aro hunting alright! Just watch ME hunt! He needs a reason to destroy me doesn't he? I needed this to be public though. I could see how set Aro was in his decision not to destroy me and to stay with him. Disgusting! He would need to be pushed far.

The city streets remained bare in the glow of the moon, although I could feel the presence of another vampire somewhere close by, but my mind had retreated too far again to listen…

I used my listening for self preservation mostly anyway, what need did I have for something like that now? I only wanted a death. I needed to act, to break their laws, show them that they needed to destroy me before I destroyed them!

It would have to be a large crowd. What had the two vampires said on our way up before…..celebrations…. for what? What day was it anyway?

I pulled the crinkly stub of my boarding pass from my back pocket…today is the nineteenth, Saint Marcus day… ah! The sweet irony!

They could not deny me anymore, especially if I were to act on such a day! Saint Marcus day is celebrated every year with the belief that a Father Marcus, Marcus of the Volturi in fact, supposedly a Christian missionary, drove all the vampires away fifteen hundred years ago. This is all rubbish of course, as he never even left the city. However, the legend claims he was martyred in Romania in his attempt to drive out the vampire scourge.

They would not appreciate my plans to exhibit that the vampires not only exist, but they rule this city.

I would have to take at least a handful of lives, very publicly. I would take as many as needed until the Volturi would answer my demands! Aro was right on one count though, Bella would not want me to destroy myself, I knew this, though there had to be some way. She no longer remained here though …there was no sun to light the world anymore.

I sighed, resigned; I knew I could never taint her memory in such a vile and despicable way, and Carlisle and Esme. It would hurt them too much if I were to do it this way. They had always had such faith in me, faith I never deserved. No, I could not hurt Bella's memory or hurt Carlisle, or the rest of my family, I could not take human life. I'd already taken the most precious of human life away from this world by destroying my Bella.

I would let myself be taken in a way that reminded me, and the world, of her light…. Some way to take me from this world that she refused to remain in, because of me; to do so in such a way, a way that she might like to remember me….

I looked around myself, trying to find some way…..how to do this? I am such a monster, truly in every sense…..

I could feel the cold darkness beginning to ebb as the first light of day started breaking overhead. As I backed into the shadows I realized…. YES! I would hold myself up to the light, the most shining time of day, as if it were Bella, coming from the heavens to greet me and take me away to be with her……if only….

Here, under the clock tower, I knew would be the right place, at noon, the shadows would leak away from where I stand and reveal our secrets to the world, and take me away from it in the process…. Bella……was my only thought now…..


	5. HEAVEN and HELL new edits

**Heaven and Hell**

As the day began to grow so did the people in the square.

Families laughing with each other, police force standing protectively by to watch the festivities……and a few vampires in thick wool cloaks in different shades of gray; aimlessly wandering through the shadows of the buildings. I was sure they were here to watch for my actions. Aro no doubt sent them.

_What a perfect day_ I thought to myself. It felt painfully peaceful to know that this world would no longer be haunted by my presence.

My fingers reached the buttons on my shirt of their own accord. Slowly, they made their way down to the last button and let my dirty white shirt fall to the ground, piling itself below at my feet.

Letting the warmth of my last day here invade my senses as it heated the air around me; the sunlight licked away at the shadows where I stood at the spear point of noon. Creeping slowly closer with each moment; I closed my eyes to pretend that this warmth was my Bella.

I stood silent and limply still for an immeasurable period, imagining my Bella for what may be my last time.

A part of me wondered again if her image would linger in my hell. It was no matter now, I would soon be in the one place I knew I had always been condemned to. Whether it would be an oblivion, or if I could see her there, it would be a happier place than here.

I was dimly aware that my audience for my last act was slowly growing as the hours passed, here in the main square of Volterra. I shut everything out, shut my mind down to hide from my surroundings, as to better imagine my Bella for the last time, as if to say my 'Goodbyes' to her and the life we had here. I could hear her vows of love for me ringing in my ears, the warmth and the breeze here letting me pretend they were her soft fingers touching my chest and arms and face as she had once done. It felt so long ago, but this image my memory granted me brought with it a peace, a calm.

The first bell chimed, gonging through the square, rumbling the earth below, as if the ground knew it was about to swallow me into the pits of hell…..my time was here at last. Though my image of her did not change, her voice and tone did… "EDWARD!" it called desperately. She must be yelling at me from the heavens above for me not to do this. I knew Bella would want me to keep on existing, but she could never understand how deeply etched into every particle of my being my love for her is. The clock tower let out another booming chime.

"EDWARD!" she demanded as I let my palms turn forward, to greet my Bella's sunshine, to greet my death, to plead with my love for understanding. In my mind I replied to her, while her begging words screamed at me, "_You don't understand my love, my darling Bella" _The clock tower chimed again at us heading its warning.

"EDWARD!" I could hear the desperation rasping from her cry…._"Bella, my love, you left, I just cannot…" _I pleaded silently for her to understand. . The clock tolled again, as if backing my plea, responding to my Bella that my time here was almost done. I could feel the breeze blowing around me as if it were trying to push the creeping sunlight ever closer and it were growing impatient with the sun glimmering high above.

"EDWARD!" she cried to me, _"I need to be with you my Bella, I cannot exist without YOU!" _If tears could stream from my eyes they would. I could feel the sensation trying to well up and through my stone figure. The monster I am would not allow soothing tears to flow freely though; the same monster that compelled me to hurt my sweet Bella in such a way. Unforgivable…..a monster…. The clock let its chime rumble the ground in agreement with me. _"I cannot keep going! Not with everything I've done to you!"_

"EDWARD!" she screamed louder, her voice threatening to give under the pressure of its force. _"My Bella, the sun does not shine, the music refuses to play, the storm refuses to ebb within me, Bella I love you, you were my reason for life…." _How could she not see…….. If only she truly knew!

I could hear her scream for me again as the clock tolled its deathly chime, ringing throughout the city. I could feel that the warmth of the sun was growing nearer and nearer. She would see, once I was gone, that this was good, it was right….. it almost felt as though it would be nearly as redeeming as it would be relieving.

I could hear her begging with my name, her voice louder now and full of conviction as the clock overhead let out another vigorous chime. I wanted her to understand, this world has lost all meaning. **All of it was meaningless. My very existence was meaningless. The WHOLE of the world was meaningless.**

This pain is worse than anything; it is more than even the Devil himself could EVER imagine inflicting upon me. How could I make her see? This final act is so soothing, tearing me from an unforgiving world filled only with pain, agony, misery.

A fervid chime rang intensely through the world surrounding us. "EDWARD, NO!" Ah, _"Yes my Bella, this is the only way. You will still be able to watch me from the heavens above and know that hell is a better place for me" _My lips tried to curve slightly upward with the realization of how true this really was. The conviction brought with it a harmonious freedom. Freedom…..from this pitiless world without Bella; even in hell I would know she was smiling from the heavens. I closed my mind completely, readying myself to force the sunlight onto my cold stone body.

I took one large stride towards the edge of the shadows, towards the edge of liberty. I wasn't going to let my Bella go, she would forever remain in my heart no matter where she was, no matter where I was, but I knew my angel was in heaven, and I would no longer be forced to remain in this world that she refused to be in……….a world without hope.

"NO!"she screamed at me, "EDWARD, LOOK AT ME!" I smiled slightly at her words, _I was! I AM!_

I was seeing her loving eyes in my mind gazing back at me; holding my gaze in the most intimate of embraces.

I knew the Volturi must be close, waiting for my last move. I readied myself for my final step, the step that would plunge me to my fate….

I felt my foot raise from the ground just as something heaved into my chest.

_Goodbye, I love you, _was my last thought.


	6. HEAVEN and HELL continued new edits

**Heaven and Hell continued…**

I opened my eyes to take in my hell.

I was a bit surprised that it looked the same as the world I had just left, with one addition. Bella was in my arms here.

Deep circles had etched themselves into her silky skin beneath her eyes, from lack of sleep no doubt. Her bones protruding through her skin in a sick way from all the weight she had lost from her already slight and tiny frame, results caused by a pain, hurt, and agony….a reminder of what I had done to her…..

Still, this was so completely….."Amazing…"! I thought aloud. I had always believed in the illogical logic behind heaven and earth, God, hell and otherwise. A part of me always wondered though if I only believed that there was a hell so that I would know where I would be going.

Still, it was almost hard to believe, but now I knew it to be true. A part of me boiled to the surface, acknowledging what I had always tried so hard to deny, but what I knew was true, "Carlisle was right."

"Edward!" her lips mouthed my name, her sweet breath washing over my face, the flames licking up to my tongue once again….ah! How I've missed that!

Even my vampire ears had trouble hearing the small voice emanating from her lips. "You've got to get back into the shadows! You have to move!" she urged.

I heard the clock chime; it was strange how hell was so similar to earth. Yet again, perhaps not, maybe a higher power could not fathom any worse pain and suffering as mine, and would condemn me to that hell, my earthly reality, for the rest of eternity; that higher power was wrong on one account though, Bella had been placed here in my arms, the misery of what I had done would for eternity be a constant reminder. A reminder that was still alive within me, but in this moment I felt well. Healed and whole once again.

Silly Bella I thought as I let my hand graze across her poor sullen cheek, there will never be a need to run from the sunlight again. Those are only earthly rules, they don't apply here.

I could hear her heart beating, I could feel it running through her body as my arms held her to me, pronouncing my monstrous want for her blood, the flames increasing as if the claws would rip right through me raking their way up my throat and through my being. Venom was flowing in my mouth so much it was almost as if I had been stabbed and was bleeding. I had been away from her for too long, even here in hell I welcomed the sensation.

I felt it, the moment I was exterminated. I had barely lifted my foot, "I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing-they're very good!" I exclaimed. I truly hadn't either, just that light shove of something heaving into me and then it was all over!

Even in her wasted state, she was the most exquisite creature I had ever seen or smelled. I closed my eyes delighting myself with such a moment and let my lips press against the warmth of her and sink into her beautiful hair. Ah! The sensation so intense my body rang with desire; she was still so perfect. "Death, that hath sucked thy honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty" I murmured softly to my love.

I remember the tears that leaked from her eyes as I had recited those words along with the movie as we lay on the sofa in her home so many agonizing months ago. The last true happy moment I had of her in my arms before death brought us back together.

I vaguely heard the clock toll its last chime, ringing clear with its finality, almost as if announcing my entrance into hell and closing and locking that gate behind me, forever.

I drew in a long deep breath to better taste her heady scent in my mouth letting it domineer me entirely."You smell just exactly the same as always", I told her as the monster roared deep from my core, rumbling in such a way I thought I should be vibrating from it, "So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it!"

I couldn't believe how wonderful hell is!

_Alright, so….it is really quite late her. I'm going to post this quickly and then it's off to the sack for me! I just kind of pumped this one out….sorry, couldn't stop myself. Probably made some errors, and I'll more than likely change some parts tomorrow that I will notice when I read it for myself; but I thought I'd post it for all of you who have me on your ALERTS ! (Thanks guys btw!)_

_Anyway, here it is, I'll write more tomorrow at some point… Talk about HOT OFF THE PRESS! Haha. As always…. PLEASE REVIEW! Night all! Hope you are all enjoying this as much as I am : )_

_-Lottie _


	7. H&H CONTINUES

**3/18/09 **Sorry to you all that I haven't written anything new today. I didn't get to sleep until somewhere around 3pm this afternoon (I had homework and daughter stuff……whatever)……lack of sleep for the day has made me kind of scared I'm going to mess this up! Such pivotal scenes coming here…….kind of nerve racking! So….let's begin…*cracking knuckles* (actually I've never been able to do that, but let's pretend eh? LOL)……..

**HEAVEN and HELL continued…**

**3/19/09 ****SO SO SORRY!**

SO…I hit a complete writers block for a couple of days there……I'd read and would edit, but couldn't get myself back into the character…..couldn't get away from editing…..its addicting! I missed some vital info in there in my late night writing fits….. but to top it off I have been kind of lost… so we'll see with how I do with this one

NOTE: REASON FOR WRITERS BLOCK- Edward is convinced he is in hell? HOW DO I GET HIM OUT OF HELL?!?!?! Lol. Not funny really I know…..happened before when he was in the airport too…..I accidentally got his mind thinking he was stuck in hell ("would not be allowed my last memory of my Bella"). Anyway, I think I have it……MAYBE……_**PLEASE REVIEW THIS ONE! **_I really want to get him to the Volturi and then to the bedroom and the vote!!!!!!

ONCE AGAIN… **HEAVEN AND HELL CONTINUES……**

"I'm NOT dead and neither are YOU!" Bella rasped at me. Of COURSE we are dead_!_ What was she saying! I had surely felt that push into me, there had been no pain, but then her image became so real, surely only hell would have granted me that haunting image of what I had done to such a fragile creature, what I had done to my only love…. wait….hell would what?

"PLEASE EDWARD, we have to MOVE! They can't be far away!" she continued. _Who? Close to us? Why? _I am so confused. The only thing my Bella could fear so fervently, here in this square, would be the Volturi, taking my existence from such a world. A world I was no longer forced to be a part of. She seemed so fearful though….

I could hardly let myself dare to believe, let alone speak, "What was that?" I heard myself ask her, as if the words didn't belong to me, though I felt them slip from between my lips. I felt my mind and body numbing itself, readying me for the agony that would consume me with the hope of life and then the realization of death, my actions, my consequences, my sentence…..

Perhaps the devil would inflict that pain upon me. Give me not only the image of my Bella to haunt me, but then to manipulate me into thinking she was truly alive and here in my arms…….. and then take her away again…….but I could hear others now too. I tried to focus, tried to let those noises around me that had been falling silently on my deft ears slowly seep into my mind.

I could see their eyes on Bella and I in their minds. Slowly creeping through the shadows on the edge of the square only a few yards away; _That must be that human Aro was talkin' about, ain't much to look at is she? Sure smells good……DAMNIT HEIDI! No, no, no, no, no. Aro would be soo-ho-ho angry…no no no…._Felix turned to look at Demitri…..

_HE'S GOT THE HUMAN! Aro will want to know about THIS! He wants that boy, we need to move…._"Felix" I head Demitri speak lowly to his comrade, "We need to move NOW." I saw Felix give Demitri a sharp nod, acknowledging their plan of action and turn back to us and begin to slowly creep closer toward where Bella and I stood.

Her words gripped at my attention, "We're not dead, not yet!" she screetched at me, I looked down and realized she was trying to push me backwards, her tiny body seemed to be using all of its possible force, "But we have to get out of here before the Volturi…."

I heard a familiar voice screaming at me with her thoughts from somewhere within the city's walls, "_EDWARD! SHE'S ALIVE! SHE'S ALIVE! BELLA'S ALIVE! PLEASE GOD….HEAR ME EDWARD! BELLA'S ALIVE! IT'S HER! SHE'S HERE! SHE'S ALIVE! BELLA'S ALIVE!" _

I didn't even have time to question my sister's thoughts, this was truly my Bella, and once again I have put her in direct danger! I felt my arms instinctively grab her breakable figure around the waist as gently as if she were a soap bubble wafting through the air and swing her behind me to place her up against the alley wall.

_THE GIRL KNOWS ABOUT US! _I could hear the anger from fear rise in Felix's thoughts as my body crouched protectively in front of Bella's stunned body. _KNOWS TOO MUCH! _ And with that thought Demitri darted forward to us, Felix picking up on this new course and quickly matching his stride.

**Sorry guys, I know it's short, but my mind is exhausted. I'm going to read some other fanfics and his the hay! Let me know what you think…..PLEASE! **

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! : ) **


	8. STILL CONTINUING NO edits!

Sorry everyone….I know my writing in EPOV covers little bits in a long period….but as we all know…..our dear Edward thinks WAY TOO MUCH! And hears way too much…Haha.

I think I should really be adding this….it's on my home page/bio page, but here it is anyway….

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any of the characters OR dialogue as that is a right held ONLY by Stephenie Meyer herself. The only thing I own is my imagination!**

Speaking of which, I wonder what SM would say if she read this……hmmm….am I destroying her Edward, or would she like it……hmmmm?

SO _**HEAVEN AND HELL…..still continuing….**_

Felix and Demetri quickly made their way towards us, stopping only feet in front of us, moving now with exaggerate slow movements, trying desperately not to cause a scene here.

Bella's heartbeat seemed relatively calm, ah! Her lovely heartbeat! Even with everything that was currently happening I couldn't help but feel a wave of perfection and harmony sweep over me; but I could feel her fear shaking through her tiny frame and breathing as she warmed the back of my neck and shoulders. I needed to get my Bella to safety. Once again she has refused to acknowledge the consequences to save me. Will she never look after herself? Will she never understand what she truly means to me?

No. She wouldn't, would she. Not after what I have done to her.

I know I don't have time to wallow or apologize or beg my Bella for her forgiveness. I need to get her to safety, now. I couldn't hear Demetri's plan, but the tension he was feeling from our situation was rolling of him in tidal waves. Demetri had his mind trained on thinking only of the chess game he had won against a little vampire, Jane, before sunset yesterday. He was running over each move he had made and his decision as to why he made each move. Aro must have told them about my 'gift' which was increasingly making this situation continually more tense……not to mention difficult, they were obviously not going to let me know _exactly _what they had planned for this moment.

Felix had his mind well hidden in desire; _Heidi's coming home today…._ It was a continuous chant running through his mind, almost a song.

I glanced around briefly to see if we had any sort of audience. I spotted a family nearby looking on wearily at the scene we were causing. A scene that needed to be diffused quickly before it could really be noticed, and feared.

"Greetings, gentlemen, I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." I said in my most cordial tone that I could possibly muster. I had indeed not acted upon my initial plan to expose myself; they have no right to take me anywhere. It seemed this would be my only possibility to get Bella to safety, but they know about Bella, they know she knows too much. BECAUSE OF ME! GOD DAMNIT! I felt like my nerves were strung as tight as a piano.

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?"Felix's tone drooled with malice

Ah, Felix, I almost wanted to shake my head at him, he was so obviously not the planner of the two here. I was sure that this 'venue' would have nothing good in store for my Bella.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules." I replied trying to hide the edge in my voice. I needed to break away the attention from Bella and try to focus them on this fact. There were two of them and one of me…… my instincts were telling me to grab my Bella and fly her away from here, but I knew that would only cause so many problems, especially in the bright noon sunlight.

Felix and Demetri were both safe, their deep gray cloaks, undulating in the breeze tunneling through the city hid their skin well from the sunlight, but not mine. No, there is a great need for secrecy; I can't give them any more reason than they already have.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover" Demetri continued.

He is right, of course.

"I'll be right behind you, Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I said to her, it would be her only chance. I couldn't let her inside their 'business', it would only mean her death. If I could possibly get her away from them, I would go, divert them from her. Aro would certainly not let me live, but Bella could go on.

"No, bring the girl" Felix's voice sneered at us in almost a whisper, although I could hear the true intent behind his simple words, it brought chills ringing up my spine.

"I don't think so!" I replied icily. I couldn't help my body's reaction, I felt myself crouch a bit lower, readying myself to fight them. Or anyone who would dare to touch my beautiful Bella!

"No…" I heard Bella's small voice start from behind me, apparently aware of what was about to occur. Through a small corner of my mouth I replied with a low "Shhh" for only her ears to hear, trying to let her know how much better it would be if she were silent. I couldn't have their attention directed on her anymore than it already is.

"Felix" Demetri drawled, trying to sound inflectionless, "Not here." Demetri turned his face fully back to me before continuing."Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I agreed politely, "but the girl goes free," I countered.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey." Demetri bit back in a regretful tone to scoff at me.

I didn't have to read his mind to be able to hear the double meaning behind his words. I knew he was referring to my broach of our rules. "Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri" I replied, stressing the fact that _I _am the only one to involve here and to leave my Bella out of what will be my consequences.

"That's just fine" Felix said in a venomously sweet tone. I knew he would be the one who would love this to turn into a brawl, to let his mountainous figure lose.

"Aro will be disappointed" Demetri sighed to me. I knew he was referring to the fact that if I did not come quietly and agree to their terms that this would in fact mean a fight, and moreover death. No, that would not make Aro happy, of course not. I almost huffed remembering Aro's vision for Alice and me, the sickening thought creeping through my core.

Felix and Demetri started edging gently towards us; I could tell they were trying to edge me into deeper shadow in the alley so we would be able to fight this out with less of a scene. Felix started moving a bit to one side, Demetri to my other. So…..they were planning on taking me from both sides then were they…..

I strained my hearing out from where we stood, I knew I had heard Alice before…..but where in the devil was she!

My body acknowledged the two vampires movements, but it kept itself firmly planted where it was. I knew the outcome would not be good for Bella's fate if the two vampires got past me, but I was prepared to do all I could for her until my end. If I could at least take care of Demetri and Felix before any others had a chance to come, that would give her a chance. Yes. Alice would find her, take her home….. Bella could make it away from all of this.

_Oh NO you don't Edward Cullen! _Alice's thoughts screamed at me. She threw at me a vision, a vision of Bella and myself being massacred along with herself; a vision that came with my decision to fight them here no doubt.

My head whipped to the side as I felt Alice's presence draw near, I could hear her lofty footsteps along the cobble stones of they alley. Demetri and Felix must have noticed as well, they threw their heads sharply in Alice's direction, nostrils flaring, searching for a sign of recognition, but finding none.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice's voice rang with buoyancy "There are ladies present." _Tsk tsk! Hello, Edward. _She thought as she skipped lightly into view and directly to my side.I wanted to sing to the heavens!

Alice would be able to take Bella to safety in case something happened to me. The relief that washed over me was almost overwhelming, showing only infinitesimally. I still couldn't guarantee Bella's protection, so I kept my stance in case, but at least there were two of us here now who would try.

"We're not alone." She reminded Demetri and Felix in her sing-song voice.

At this, Demetri turned his head to look over his shoulder, eyeing the family that had been watching us for some time now.

"It looks like their trying to protect that girl from those people in the cloaks" I heard the woman whispering into her husband's ear, "Do you think we should tell the police here Greg?"

_UGH…_ the woman shivered as she met Demetri's darkened gaze and quickly looked away, trying to feign her awareness of the five of us. Upon noticing his wife's distress Greg wearily walked over to one of the authorities, easily noticed by their red blazers, and started to tell him what he and his wife have been watching. "I believe sir that there is a situation that may need your immediate attention" he said softly, nodding the authority figure in our direction. "I believe that the two girls and the man are in some danger of those in the dark cloaks" he continued.

I was sure Bella could not hear their conversation, but I was also sure that Demetri and Felix had. Demetri shook his head, knowing that he and Felix were defeated if they wanted to remain inconspicuous. "Please Edward, let's be reasonable." He almost pleaded.

"Let's" I sneered back, knowing we were now on equal footing, "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demetri let out a long sigh, frustrated, but still unwilling to give in yet. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

I noticed the men in red blazers growing in number now to watch the scene, there were 6 of them now, nervously standing by in case of a brawl. It was hard to pick through their frantic thoughts, but I quickly ascertained that I was the reason their attention was alarmed. They noticed how I stood protectively in front of Bella, and though they didn't know why exactly, they assumed it had to do with the two in cloaks. I knew they were no match for any vampire, but their attention was favorable.

Felix must have noticed them too, as he stood on my other side and had a better view than Demetri had, he had been watching them as well with growing anticipation. He couldn't help but let his thoughts slip, if only for a second, _Ahhh, if this turns into a fight THAT means I get the eat soon! Yes! _

I snapped my teeth sharply, "No!" I warned him.

_That's right boy, you're able to read my mind,_ his thoughts sneered at me as he turned to give me a shrewd smile.

**HOT OFF THE PRESS! **

**Ok, so it is late, and I have to work in the morning. BUT, I had written something else first and I will post it at the bottom here. Writing this one today was like trudging through wet cement. I couldn't decide if Aro had told Felix and Demetri about Edwards 'gift' or not. The dialogue felt off, the whole piece didn't feel right, but I'll let you see it anyway. I hate to leave this one where it is, but my eyes can't stay open any longer….sorry. And I didn't want to write and not let ya'll read anything tonight…..so without further ado….OHP! Wait, no I lied…..I also realized today that I have been spelling Demetri… Demitri…..so from here on out…..anyway…..you get the pic…..sorry again……NIGHT AND ENJOY! **

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! **

**P.S. I may rewrite this one tomorrow, I haven't read it myself, so I'll decide when I do…..**

_**FIRST DRAFT – HEAVEN and HELL still continuing – **_

Felix and Demetri quickly made their way towards us, stopping only feet in front of us, moving now with exaggerate slow movements, trying desperately not to cause a scene here.

Bella's heartbeat seemed relatively calm, ah! Her lovely heartbeat! Even with everything that was currently happening I couldn't help but feel a wave of perfection and harmony sweep over me; but I could feel her fear shaking through her tiny frame and breathing as she warmed the back of my neck and shoulders. I needed to get my Bella to safety. Once again she has refused to acknowledge the consequences to save me. Will she never look after herself? Will she never understand what she truly means to me?

No. She wouldn't, would she. Not after what I have done to her.

I know I don't have time to wallow or apologize or beg my Bella for her forgiveness. I need to get her to safety, now. _If we can just get him to move, just a bit……._I could hear Demitri's plan to strike, and quickly, but the tension he was feeling from our situation was rolling of him in tidal waves, _So many witnesses…….damn the sun……damn…..Felix can grab the boy, I will grab the girl…..we can't do this here…..Aro will want to know that the human is not dead as we were lead to believe though…….not good……._

_I get the strong one! The vampire! Move it boy! Lets get out of the sun and away from these humans and finish this! _Felix thought excitedly.

I glanced around briefly to see if we indeed had any sort of audience. I spotted a family nearby looking on wearily at the scene we were causing. A scene that needed to be diffused quickly before it could really be noticed, and feared.

"Greetings, gentlemen, I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." I said in my most cordial tone that I could possibly muster. I had indeed not acted upon my initial plan to expose myself, they have no right to take me anywhere. It seemed this would be my only possibility to get Bella to safety, but they know about Bella, they know she knows too much. BECAUSE OF ME! GOD DAMNIT! I felt like my nerves were strung as tight as a piano.

_He seems relatively calm, perhaps __**force **__won't be necessary…._"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?"Felix's tone drooled with malice _…..doesn't know what will happen once we get them there…..HA!_

Ah, Felix, I almost wanted to shake my head at him, he was so obviously not the planner of the two here.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules." I replied trying to hide the edge in my voice. I needed to break away the attention from Bella and try to focus them on this fact. There were two of them and one of me…… my instincts were telling me to grab my Bella and fly her away from here, but I knew that would only cause so many problems, especially in the noon sunlight. Felix and Demitri were both safe, their deep gray cloaks, undulating in the breeze tunneling through the city hid their skin well from the sunlight, but not mine. No, no, no…….

_Wow Felix…..sometimes you sure surprise me…..and when we got our instructions we also thought the human was dead……_"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover" Demitri continued. _Perhaps this will lure them along_….

He is right, or course. "I'll be right behind you, Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I said to her, it would be her only chance. I couldn't let her inside their 'business', it would only mean her death. If I could possibly get her away from them, I would go, divert them from her. Aro would certainly not let me live, but Bella could go on.

"No, bring the girl" Felix's voice sneered at us in almost a whisper. _She will be taken __**care**__ of….._

"I don't think so!" I replied icily. I couldn't help my body's reaction, I felt myself crouch a bit lower, readying myself to fight them. Or anyone who would dare to touch my beautiful Bella!

"No…" I heard Bella's voice start from behind me, apparently aware of what was about to occur. Through a small corner of my mouth I replied with a low "Shhh" for only her ears to hear, trying to let her know how much better it would be if she were silent. I couldn't have their attention directed on her anymore than it already is.

_Oh damn you Felix! You've set him off …..He's in his stance…..he's preparing to fight us! In broad daylight! With all these humans!..... _"Felix" Demitri drawled, trying to sound inflectionless, "Not here." Demitri turned his face fully back to me before continuing, _I need to settle this down immediately! _"Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."_ But you're still bringing the girl….._

_Oh no I'm not! _"Certianly," I agreed politely, "but the girl goes free," I countered.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey." Demitri bit back in a regretful tone. _Like the rules that YOU broke…a human! _His thoughts scoffed at me.

"Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demitri" replying to both his words and thoughts.

_You've broken the law and brought this girl with you! _Demitri seethed silently.

_You think you can get away with this? HA! I'd love to see you try. Think you're a match for me…..think again…. _"That's just fine" Felix said in a venomously sweet tone.


End file.
